Bright Eyes
As some of you may have figured out, it’s a new year.
I don’t recall most of what happened in 2023. If you sat me down and went through month by month with me, perhaps I could—but only the landmarks. Even then, the ground on which they sit is oft shaky, and it might not even be the right place at all.
I have some pretty bad memory issues. Regardless of the cause, there are times where I will read posts I’ve previously made on other sites even a week prior and have no recollection of them whatsoever. Is it because the internet is so ephemeral that I simply don’t internalize the action of making the post? Is it the lack of analog, hand-written decisiveness?
Who knows.
It’s not really a pleasant feeling, I’ll admit, to write anything down on a website and not remember doing so days later. I purposely avoid looking back in my archives for this reason. I don’t want to see posts that “I” have made—it’s in the past, anyway, isn’t it? The posts, from the topics to the language, don’t even feel like they’re “me”… but they have to be, right?
I have a pretty solid sense of self, I’d like to think. But that sort of stuff is scary.
I’m not very good at blogging. I’m not good at keeping a journal. I tried and tried in a bunch of different formats, but none of them stuck. But I’m wondering, if I keep at it enough, then the habit is sure to stick eventually. Most likely. Probably… Well, I was never good at keeping habits, either…
I’ll keep this page up, though. And I’ll come back to it when I think about visiting it, and I’ll write something when I do. And I’ll even look back on the previous posts I’ve made, and maybe that unpleasant feeling of “not me” will finally, finally go away.
With love, Byleth